I want to share a small life story with you, my dear reader, this story will give you a small insight into my life and state of mind, and with that you may do as you will, I hold no grudge over you if you so choose to judge me as a freak or psychotic-in-the-making as I may never meet you or grow close to you, you are merely a curious set of eyes to me, and that’s all I ask of you.
As an infant I had a hard time mingling with my peers, due to my natural excelled growth and cryptic appearance, I must have looked threatening to other children my age, and therefore they remained distant from me, due to my social depravity, as the school years drifted on, I found it harder and harder to befriend anyone, and with that, I became a loner, remaining silent most of my childhood, speaking very rarely, the most I remember saying was “Amen” when my religious grandmother dragged me to church every Sunday, possibly hoping I’d find solace through God, but I found something else…
One day in the back garden of my small terrace house, aged 6, I first came across a boy just like me, much like me, he had no friends, no social standards, no motive towards hate and prejudice, he resembled me in appearance, he appeared more frail and skinny, and strangely wore a black deco style business suit, I was somewhat baffled by his choice in apparel but half of me adored it and wished I owned such a suit, but due to my constant growth spurts I realised it would quickly grow useless.
I called my new companion Leech, a peculiar name for a peculiar boy, he met everyday at the bottom of my garden, we’d chat about our days at school, the teachers we hated and thought were stupid and annoying, the people we hated and liked, music we liked, the list would go on. Leech rekindled my interest in life, before I met him, my world was dark and bleak, full of the voices of taunting classmates calling me “Billy no-mates,” “Freak,” “Psycho,” if it were not for Leech, I would have landed in worst places throughout my solitary life. It was Leech who gave me my philosophy, or at least the catalysts and foundations of it, he taught me, he made me, words can’t describe how the effect of his influence on me has forged me into the now 16 year old I am now, sure, I’m still far from “socially acceptable” but I feel something deeper within the fabric of being and life and individual thinking, I find it hard to explain to you but I hope you get the idea.
Now, if it hasn’t become apparent to you yet, then it will come in the form of slight confusion to discover that Leech was the manifestation of my alter ego; an imaginary friend, it hit me like a train when I realised it at aged 12, the spot where we sat every evening was barren and infested with insects and cobwebs. Leech vanished from my psyche as reality slowly evaporated the childish fantasy I created to safeguard myself against it, my mind finally returned to world around me, I found it hard to adjust, in a way I still am, but the realisation of my friend being me baffled me as I had taught myself all those things about life, how people seem and how they think, how they react, how they listen to what they want to hear, how they blind themselves to protect themselves, how life in harsh times can slowly erode their minds…it was all me.
The moral of my story is: You are your own bestfriend, your own mentor, your own companion, you can learn so much about yourself just being alone for a time. I carry Leech as my alias in respect of him being my mentor, sometimes I think he was the real person and I was the illusion, he seemed so confident with his aspect of life and people that I seemed nothing more than a shadow in the mist. If you, my dear reader have ever had such an experience, please just spend a time recalling it, recalling your friend, did they teach you anything, about yourself? About the people around you? Did they leave a mark on you as big as Leech?
Thanks for reading Keep Smiling