Again the disclaim of the rights of the image. I do not recall where I got it from, it should be familiar to quite some people though.
See this image? That could be me. I am an Outsider. I stand among 7 billion people. I look like 7 billion people. I look no different. But my sinister mind differs from the ordinary and naive mind.
I don’t know what happened. One day, as I was 12, I opened my eyes and said something. Something I will never forget. “Hey, this world is a pile of damned shit!” I’ve watched the news, I’ve observed people, I’ve solaced people. Victims of rape, witnesses of suicide, accidental killers. I’ve lent them a heart. I’ve taught them that they are only 15… They still had their entire lives to live. Back then, I still was a believer in God. All gone. They cried and didn’t stop crying, they didn’t want to stop crying. I’ve seen lives ravaged. Some committed suicide, some are dragging on through their misery. The young misery.
I’ve always wanted to know why things are the way they are. In my research, I found only cruelty in the human nature, killing, rape, deceiver, war. Thousands of years of war, ever since our time began. Its not better today. Its just different from what it used to be.
I’ve grown with my thoughts. What I’ve seen happening in the world blackened my soul. Now humans are disgusting to me. I’ve stumbled upon dark and forgotten secrets and I question “Why me?” I cannot tell you which secrets, our society has been taught different. It is now “our” mindset. You would mark me as naive and crazy. Maybe I am. Maybe you made me that way. Maybe not. Who knows? God, for sure, doesn’t.
I am the Outsider. I’ve grown up in some sort of isolation. I’ve considered only those friends who wanted to do something with me and I still do. I don’t have many friends. I used to have some as I was younger. Then even my best friend disappointed me. I admit, I have overreacted, but he seriously hurt me more than once. I ended up having none until 3 years ago where we got friends again. Then, last year, I discovered he has developed a male bitch jumping for every relationship he can get in as soon as he leaves the other with the words “revenge is beautiful, I will fucking kill you.” Our friendship ended once again.
I haven’t learned all that “social behavior” shit. I had to teach myself by looking at other people. So I did. But I’ve never understood why people behave like that. Of course I have different points of view. I don’t think like others do. Of course others think I think “out of the box.” But I don’t. It’s just the way I think – differently. Either I am normal and the humans are abnormal, or I am insane.
I am the Outsider. I have no sexual affection by the other sex, or even myown sex. I have an affection of death and darkness like probably most of the people here. I am home here. The first thing I think about if anybody makes a sexual joke is related to death. “In and out and in and out” – A knife. Oh, no, wait…
Being embraced by darkness makes me feel comfortable, protected. Rain makes me feel wonderful. I don’t understand why people hate rain. How can you be so stupid and wish the very essenz of life on our planet, that used to be the beautiful Earth, wasn’t there? Just fucking take what the universe gives you, damnit!
I am the Outsider. “Miss America” is ugly to me. That damn bitch. I literally see the inner beauty of a person. It is reflected to the outside in my eyes. That “Miss America” is one damn ugly fucking bitch to me. I don’t understand what’s so beautiful about her. She looks just like others. She just behaves disgustingly, as if she was something better. To me, my girlfriend is the most beautiful girl in the world. Yes, I have a girlfriend although I have no sexual affection. Think about it… what do I care about sex? I don’t give a fuck, I hate people. So what other reason could I have to love her? It’s way to complex to explain. She loves me the way I am, she supports me in anything I do, she envies my intelligence, she makes me feel special, she encourages me, she cheers me up, she tells me how beautiful I am although I fucking hate my damned body. That’s from her side. She is beautiful, she is intelligent, she really is undoubtfully special, she is brave, she is talented, she is gifted, she is one of the psychically strongest people I’ve ever met. That’s from my side. Both sides are just the peaks of the icebergs.
I am the Outsider. I have diagnosed myself with at least 5 mental disorders. At least that’s what the Internet says. I don’t think those are disorders. They are simply traits of my character. They too define who I am. The only aspect I hate about me is my body.
I am the Outsider. Because I want to be the Outsider. It is fun to observe the idiocy and how naive people behave while I fake to be a totally different person. Some I allow to experience who I really am. A “fucked up” mind. That’s how society would see me. But never fully, only gradually. Preserves the fun for them to discover new pages of the book unwritten before. Seems to work as people tell me, it is exciting to study “Briology.”
But… am I fucked up, or is it society? Did I make myself like this or didn’t society show me how fucked up it is and turned me into this? I was a little child. I didn’t even know what the hell was going on in the world. Everything was a peaceful illusion. Sometimes, I wish it would have stayed that way. Being blind seems to be the key to happiness. But it has a high price.
So, do you think I am an Outsider? Are you the Outsider, too?
This story really hit home with me. I’m glad you posted it as I am an outsider too, for we are many. I feel that if everyone in the world would open their eyes and see the fucked and disgusting world they’ve made then it would change because they would realize that the “Great Sepulcher”, “Hades”, “Hell”, whatever you want to call it is right here. Right here among us. They created it.
So as I read this I found so many things similar to my own story and overall concept on reality. Countless sorrows happen all over this world but Im not going to say this whole place called earth is filled with sadness. But darkness in this world really does change you into something else, I bet thats why most of us are here at this site. An outsider, “A person not accepted by or isolated from society” huh? I disagree because even with my scars I can still blend, mold myself to fit there discriptions even in mind. To be fixed psychologically is what the main stream society would call it… society still excepts me when I see fit. Besides what fun would it be if society made sense? Though I will admit to being different, wierd, and insane. Ignorance is alwas bliss though, and a child not able to hold himself up should definetly not be plundged into the madness and nonesense of this world thats for sure. To analyze society from the outside is a respectable position and I do it from time to time, it just makes me more agrivated at everyones stupidity though. So rather I try to live alongside them standing on my own ground reaching for the ideals I believe in.
I’ve tried that several times before. But I simply cannot close my eyes and ignore it all. It doesn’t even work for a week. It hurts inside but it hurts even more to see the stupidity and suffering around pretty much everywhere. I agree that this is probably the most common reason among us all for which we have found and liked this site. It is a place where we meet alikes and understand each other. That is it for me and I am certain that is it for almost anybody else.
Like I said before, the Outsider is not a person rejected by or isolated from society, but somebody who (occasionally) observes society from the outside.
Thank you for sharing your oppinion.
Yes, our society is the one that is fucked up beyond repair I’m afraid. Through decades humans cherished and cultivated values that are often contradicting their natural desires and are simply ridiculous. These values are made by those who wish to enslave us and force us to obey something in order to get wealth – money – more and more – it is what our greedy society demands.
The problem is not just within greed, the problem lies within lack of spirituality that we are forgetting and concentrating our minds on temporary/rational things, rather than being true and appreciating spiritual values.
I am an outsider in a way that I stand outside the society and observe it’s inevitable demise caused by their own slavery, but I’m not an outcast, for I have not been cast out by anyone, I live within my free mind, embracing values that make me stronger, allowing me to be who I am today.
Thank you for sharing your views.
Most people think of sprituality in terms of god. As a rational mind, I do not believe in god. But also from personal experiences, I still do not believe in god or believe that god has forsaken the world. Anyway, spirituality really should be a great factor in all of our lives since there truely is more to life than just making goddamned money. Spirituality has in fact lost value gradually throughout the lifetime of our still pretty young system and therefore can be connected to the will of those few who wish to enslave us.
I myself would love to learn more about certain aspects of spirituality and especially about my own mind. I know some who have had their study of the supernatural, and for me it is inevitable that things like telepathy, ghosts, and maybe even psychokinesis and demons exist. Maybe a god exists too, maybe not. Maybe god doesn’t exist the way we believe god exists.
I also am pretty certain that if I take my time to clear up my mind, my productivity will drastically increase… I believe some things are a little bit wrong in my head that are blocking me from unfolding my full potential.
It makes me sad how few people are willing to do something against the obvious mind controll of the masses that has become so apparent that not even only a few are seeing it. Many just don’t talk about it and think they cannot help it anyway.
i don’t really adhere to labels, so i don’t consider myself as an outsider but i most definitely agree with much of what you are saying.
i think society is fucked up, and full of selfish, selfish people. purity has been eradicated.
i don’t see your mind as fucked up, but rather analytical of society, and questioning rather than conforming. i think these are important qualities that most people lack.
Thank you. I do analyze society, but not only society, but also its people. Psychology is a fun thing to think about for me. What I have found until now, is, that I truely am different from most people. I am an “Outsider”, in some matter. I don’t really mean it as a label, but as a condition. I stand “out side” of society and observe it, analyze it. It is the perfect position to do so. I have found that I am abnormal… From society’s point of view. But in fact, I am more human than the humans are… I am inhuman. It is not an insult, in fact, it is a compliment.