The rainfall, embraced by the nightly forces of the blazing storm, is an image I started to pay attention to through the cracking window’s frame, holding the shards of the broken mirror in my shaking hands, bruised and dirty as the blood was dripping down from my fingertips upon the burnt out floor…Dorian.. you were so sacred to me…

2 years have passed since that accident yet the memories kept penetrating my mentality deeper and deeper, releasing tiny meat hooks within my brain cells and residing themselves in comfort inside my thoughts. But today I decided to finally get out of my house and visit my family. I knew they would be able to help me to ease my pain of losing Dorian.

I approached my closet that my father once bought for me on my 20th birthday. Back then he always helped me to begin my new life in this place next to the dominions of mother nature and also assisted me in solving financial issues and other things regarding this little house of mine. ”He is so sweet and caring…” as I spoke these words a  tear cascaded down my cheek. The guilt of abandoning them and ignoring because of Dorian was overwhelming me even more as I dressed up in my dark brown trench coat, restraining my waist with a black leather strap… I strangled my waist so tightly as if I was trying to  squeeze out the very essence of my sadness and guilt. Then my sight captured a large frameless mirror on the wall, that my dad brought to my new house from the home of my childhood..  I approached the mirror in front of which my mother taught me as a young girl how to apply make up on my face  in the same fashion and elegant style as she did that and still does. I took the eyeliner in my hand and began painting my eyelashes. As I kept doing that I could hear our dialogue from the past, resonating in my mind:

” Awww you’re doing it wrong honey, allow me to show you how it’s done.”

”Ok, mom,.. how can you be so good at applying it anyway? hehe”

“Practice is the key to perfecting the technique” She made a silent smile with her cheeks and kissed my forehead as I was looking at her with a frown and little child’s amusement.

“I love you mom” I whispered silently, as her kiss diminished the frowness  on my face, unlocking the blooming smile.

The dialogue of the past faded into the silence as I stopped painting my eyelashes. I made my way fast towards the door leading to the exit…. Luckily they didn’t live too far from my place but still it’s been way too long since the last time I could look at them and simply say how much I miss them and  that I’m sorry for being trapped within my psychological isolation. As i was making my way forward I remembered as they both sang to me sweet nightly lullabies before I fell asleep hiding in comfort under the warm blankets, captured by the soothing candle lights and twilight’s beam mesmerizing the silence in my bedroom. How I wished these days would come back… I wonder if they are doing good because i could never succeed at calling them or even trying.. Even my mom once told me: ”Just call us sweetie.” They don’t deserve that… I must let them know I’m doing good.

I finally reached my destination and there they were! Right outside their house! It was sunny and it seemed like they were just enjoying the sunny weather gazing at the sun’s beam and smiling at each other. Still they didn’t see me so I decided to approach them from behind to surprise their minds by my appearance and the perfect make-up so that my mom would be happy to see me beautiful.

I creeped around the house to surprise them… and so I succeeded. Approaching them I screamed out several sentences in satisfaction trying not to sound too depressed or sad:

”Hey mom! Hey dad! It’s me! I’m sorry I was being so isolated, I know it was wrong and I know you worry about me… How are you doing?.. uhh hehe I feel so awkward rambling like this.. I know but I just want you to know I’m back and I know you both worry about me.. I love you so much!” Then as I looked at them I smiled.. But  as I was looking at them the only response I could hear in my mind within the first second was a black crow singing his symphony and looking at me with astonishment. The crow was right there, sitting upon the grave where my father and mother have been residing for the last 5 years….

-15 years earlier-

I sat in the garden with my brother, Vincent, and watched as he pretended to be a dog running through the garden. “Nera! Look! Arf Arf!!!”he giggled as he bit my toes. “Brother, that’s not funny!!” I pouted as his spit still clung to my tiny feet. “Aww sister…you’re no fun..” he sulked as he thrashed the pool filled with Night Koi getting all of his clothes wet. “Ooo..Mommy is going to be mad…” I warned.

Our nanny, Estrella came to get us before he could respond. “Come now children and hurry!” she quickly scooped us in her rather masculine arms and bolted into the castle. I suddenly heard shouting and things being broken as we were escorted deeper into the confines of our family home. “Mommy….?”Vincent whimpered, “Silence now boy child.!” Estrella quickly spat. “What’s happening..?”I dared to ask, I didn’t get an answer as we were locked in the cellar. Darkness crowded around us when Estrella locked the door, abandoning us.

More shouts, more screams filled the house above us, I shivered in the corner shielding my younger brother from the damp cold. “Sister….I’m cold….” Vincent started to cry as I held him closer. “Mommy and Daddy are coming to get us, just you wait.”I forced a smile, he fell asleep soon afterwards. After what seemed like an eternity the door creaked open revealing a men in heavy black armor, black masks hid their features. “Here they are!” one of the soldiers shouted up the stairs, the other continued to drag us back into the foyer. The sudden light stung my eyes as we were thrown into a circle of soldiers like ragdolls.

I hissed, baring my tiny vampire fangs protecting Vincent with my five year old life. I felt my brother go limp in my arms, his diesease caused him to black out under high amounts of stress. “Go away!” I yelped looking around for my parents. A deep voiced laughed, “Ah, little Nera, you’re so much like your mother.” a giant of a man stepped froward from the black wall of soldiers, he was wearing long black and red robes, a silver ram skull helmet, and his boots sounded like hoof beats when he stepped forward. “Where’s mommy?! Where’s daddy?!”I screamed. “Silence child, you’ll see them soon enough.”he growled, he examined my face. The anger built up inside me, I spit in his face and bit deep into his pale hand. He pulled away screaming, he picked me up and threw me against the wall. I blacked out.

When I woke up I was on the back of a horse, I turned around and saw my family,including the nanny, burning alive at the stake. I jumped down from the steed and ran as fast as I could, hoping I could save my brother, for my parents and Estrella were dead. The soldier ran me down and picked me up in his arm, I kicked and screamed finally getting away a second time. I made it to the foot of my brother’s fire, tears ran down my face as I picked up his cross necklace of the Virgin Mary from the dirt. This time the leader kicked me down and smushed my head into the mud, “You little bitch, I should kill you!”he growled but let me up for air. I didn’t fight back as I stood, I held up my tiny arms to be restrained.

He bound my feet and arms in chains,secureing  me in the saddle behind him. I was numb, tears still fell as my heart and soul died along with my family. All that lied ahead was the glowing moonlight.

When the blood rushes from my stomach, and into my chest, and my face feels hot, and the air feels like cold water,

I feel relieved.

When I find a companion, and they don’t notice that I’m gone,

I feel relieved.

When someone told me that the devil was guarding me,

I ran,

Because I’m not supposed to be alive.

The Raven, feathers as black as night,

They caw to give you one big fright,

Eye’s of a Raven so cold and evil,

Make sure you don’t partake of that suicide pill,

Trees in the ebbing cloudy night sky,

Random caw’s they shout oh! so high,

They look at you….. studying you,

Are you sure your through?,

Making you incredibly ill,

Maybe you should of taken that suicide pill,

After all they are only just birds….. Right?

she sat on her bed legs crossed holding a pillow tightly with tear soaked cheeks. Her eyes were so red from crying when he knocked on her window. She turned and looked at the window shocked to see him standing there smiling at her. She cried harder running to the window opening it before tackling him to the ground in a tight hug. he felt her pain as he held her under the moonlight. they stood up and she never let him go, he brushed the tears from her cheeks as he kept smiling. “I’ve always wanted you to hold me like this…” his words echoed through her mind and heart as she burst into tears again before he felt weak and fell to the ground and she sat next to him. he slid his fingers between hers holding her hand as he gently played with her other hand while he told his story. he looked up at the moon and frowned standing up before looking down at her as she looked into his eyes. she teared up realizing he had to leave her for good. She stood up and ran to her room window so she wouldn’t have to see him. He grabbed her wrist stopping her from climbing in, he turned her around and kissed her deeply as he held her hands in his. “fly with me..” he drifted off the floor slowly as she closed her eyes lifting into the air with him. She smiled brightly as they flew off into the moonlit night. her mom came into her room and burst into tears falling to her knees. Her Daughter was laying in bed with an empty bottle of pills in one hand and a photo of  him in the other. The boy was killed in a ditch after the girls ex tried to attack her in a rage after she finally left him. he was stabbed 4 times after fighting with the man long enough for her to run away. As he sat up bloody in the ambulance, the boy gave a note to one of the nurses to give to the girl along with his ring. The note was left on her bed next to her with only a few words written in it. “i love you. From your shining brown eyes, to your beautiful smile. Don’t be sad, because the world wont be able to see your smile.”

So, what defines a true leader. Well from a Royal LaVeyan standpoint is this…..

A leader is one that stands out from that crowd filled with normal people. A leader is one that has a much more mature sense of his/her surroundings such as the “boys” as it were, they are the ones that parties it all up and gets pissed drunk. Whilst a leader stays firm and calm with a level head and does not get involved in parties but thinks more than others. Another leader standpoint is a person with such knowledge of his/her profession and strives to be a much productive person whilst the lesser person is left behind and abandoned. Thus the lesser person becomes another one of the worlds useless people the world does not need.

An avid and enthusiastic leader is an ambitious elitist one that thinks more of him/herself than others, and is more likely to keep him/herself to themselves. When they have mastered themselves, they are admired by the few and hated by the masses. The few make great strides in their lives to become more than they can be and discovers more about themselves. The masses are angry and vengeful people that has not accomplished anything in their lives and wallow in their own self pity, everyday you see them. You my reader, here on an alternative website has much to gain by being alternative. The masses resent leaders for they fear what could become of mankind. Cerebral knowledge is key.  Know yourself, be yourself, think for yourself, only then the few will admire you and the masses well “Tell them to go fuck themselves”.

For true leaders have no baggage they have a vessel and it’s you, only you. Strut willingly across this globe and own it….. Own it ALL!!!!

Listen to the Broken voice that lies within my heart

It cries out for that sacred touch

Blood flows through the Magic in my veins

I wait

Hidden In The Dark

Until the True One comes

My body waits for him

A Temple devoted to Our Worship of the Souls

My lips long for the passionate kiss

My fingers wish to caress

The heart wants only to Love

The brain keeps cautious

Until Then…

I lay Hidden In The Dark…

Every day… My eyes slowly open, from my peaceful slumber. The beam of the sun’s ultra violet rays hit me as soon as I push my curtains aside.” Everyday…” I think  to myself. Life is like a treadmill. I run, but I don’t seem to be going anywhere. The people around me see me as if I was just their everyday friendly shadow that sits beside them, I also see myself as a walking trigger for anger as soon as I walk into a room I can feel the vibe of an anger smite me before I speak, some try there absolute hardest to pretend I am not of existence. Into a place I shall run, a place that vacant of people and I begin to question myself . There the very first question that appears in my mind. What will I do?

When sunlight praised the Oath of Dark, dissolving fast it withered

When Reaper slashed the cosmic mark, releasing crows, that gathered

Upon desire, rapier sharp, inhaling death, they scattered

In search for blazing silver fang, absorbing light, dismantled.

-I-

The black  hole screamed the rain of terror, upon the earthly hills

Where meteor was lead astray, enhanced by instant kill

It crashed upon the godly lands, the iron rock of thrill

The tombstone made of comet’s shard, and crafted by his will.

-I-

The triumph hissed upon the masses, born in brightly kingdom

Depriving them on fire places, sought by pyromancy

The Darkness broke the holy vessels, incinerating wisdom

Annihilating bastard’s kin, by wrought demonomancy.

You didn’t think we’d find yuh’ did yuh’?

Okay, now try to remember.

Where were you 20 years ago?

Because I went to hell for you, and you weren’t there.

Sigh….that is so true…..

But why are you emphasizing that?

It would be easy,

But the way you say it, it almost sounds threatening.

Polly, these are Satan’s minions.

Do you want to know what Satan looks like?