Have you ever put yourself with a mate for practical love rather than true love? Or I should say for practical reasons? The point is what did you put up with and why? Did you not want to be alone? I knew this but a good reason why people cheat on their spouses because they don’t truly love them and with them for practical reasons. I’ve been having issues with this because I suspect a person from my recent past (year) had went with someone for such reasons rather than following their heart and the other is people believe being with someone basing it on “chemistry” or “science” rather than what they truly feel, rather than feeling with their heart. I want people to be happy with each other, not just “happy” but truly happy in love. Not just “oh we’re happy…” usually follows with a “but he/she”. Don’t ever just put yourself with someone for all the wrong reasons. Fidelity and faithfulness comes with true love, hard work and true care. I guess I’m advocating for couples to be with each other for all the right reasons, I’m advocating couples being together for love, not what each can offer each other materially. I was prompted bringing up this topic again as a friend of mine and I were speaking about behaviour patterns and poor choices in relationships.

Being a woman has it’s adavantages. Men, being simples creatures, are ruled my the most

basic of needs. They can easily be bewitched, beguiled and bewildered all with a simple

turn of the head.

Though I am not devout I have read the creation story, the one about Adam and Eve. After

thinking about it, I think there may be something to it. Not of course in the literal sense,

but as a universal truth. Eve feeds Adam the tree of knowledge and from them on, they

are screwed. But it is Eve who has suffered through the ages reputationally, Adam was just a

willing participant.

Women have been villified in art and in literature for centuries, they are either evil or if

pure, victims. Where are the heroines?

Are there no sure, smart and strong women in this world? Most are weak, catty, insecure and

vain. My e-mail, voice mail overflow with my girlfriends whining about the presumed

injustices done to them by the mates THEY choose. I can only delete and shake my head.

I feel abnormal that I never placed my value in the hand of another. If a snake came to me

and offered me the fruit of knowledge, I would take it for myself, not share, and simply

walk away.

Humans, aren’t we a fucked up lot. We bemoan the despair of being alone, yet we don’t want to be bothered with each other.  We crave company and conversation, but reject any casual attempts that should happen to approach us.  Stop lying to yourselves. People want to be approached not when a circumstance randomly happens, but at a circumstance of their choosing. It has to be just right. It has to be of their own design.  The setting, the mood, the way the other is to look, act, approach us and bleh, bleh, fucking bleh.

Problem with that is, idealized and romanticized notions such as that don’t exist outside a book or script. This is reality, hopefully…and circumstances happen when the situation presents itself. There is no fucking script. Reality isn’t a fucking Twatlight movie or novel. How the fuck is the other person to know what’s in your head?  How are they to know that you’re dying to meet them or converse? All these fucking ‘subtle’ signs humans give each other that’s supposed to be the standard substitute for ‘hello’?? Sitting there and hoping that s/he will notice you [for whatever delusional reason you think s/he should]  is idiotic.  This can go for other situations, not just meeting another human.

You want to know if a particular circumstance is in your favor? Find out. Get up and act on it.

Just something someone once said:

-People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are.  I don’t believe in circumstances.  the people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want and, if they can’t find them, make them.

—George Bernard Shaw

my rant.

A 3 year old boy is cowering behind his 6 year old sister, in front of them is a hooded figure slightly smaller than the sister wielding a katana. A second later all that can be heard is the boy screaming “NOOOOOOO!!!!!” as his sister’s head is detached from its body by the katana of the hooded figure and he is tackled by a ground by an adult saying something incomprehensible to the boy. The scene reapeats it self three more times until it is interrupted…

My name is Charles and I just woke up from a recurring nightmare of when my sister was killed. A little about me, I am 5’9 with an athletic and muscualr build weighing in at about 175lbs. I was born into good fortune and inherited it all when I was 3 years old, my parents were killed the same time as my sister thankfully I never saw that happen or I’d be writing from a padded room. I am very sophisticated at the age of 23 thanks to being raised by an aunt that was even higher up in social status than my family but due to the events that happened in my past I am very distant emotionally which gives the impression that I’m calm, cool, and collected.

09/03/1990 happy birthday
To my little sister

i wish i you were here with me this day
for this time of year is your birthday
we long to hear your laugh and smile.
i wish we could know you
like we know the rest.

my mum will cry this i know
for she lost the most of all
i lost my sister but she lost her soul.

im sure i will meet you up their soon
to laugh and play get to know
what each others like and do.

i see you in my dreams at night
dreams are fun but dont feel real right
to see your face
would be the best
to give you all the pressents you missed
for the birthdays that went by
you not here by our side
i hope you sis are having fun
up in heaven with granda byrne

i wish you the best their is
i will look over you as much i can
i know your doing the same right now
for your my gardaien angle that i know

have a happy birthday my little sister
we miss you soo

“There it is…. Just a jump, a few running steps, and a safe landing away…” she thought to herself as she heard her food being prepared.

She never did like the idea of eating without first having a bit of a workout to keep herself nice and lean. She didn’t like the idea of becoming chubby, like her sister/cousin, Grey. She loved Grey, no doubt about it, but she also thought Grey could put a little more effort into things and exercise more. Instead of thinking about it more, she started at a light jog, gaining speed as she went. Soon, she came to the jump, leaping onto the surface and trotting along the soft, red fabric for a few paces and then another leap. Her eyes flickered with delight as she flew through the air, her heart racing with excitement as the ground was coming up under her. Before she knew it, the moment was over and she had landed on her feet and padded up to her food, only to get bapped in the nose by Robert. She backed away a few paces and sat, waiting for her turn to eat.

“Why do WE always have to wait? Why can’t HE wait for a change?…”, she thought silently.

After a moment, she felt a little pain in her nose and rubbed it a little, looking up at Robert sheepishly. He didn’t even glance her way or feel a second’s remorse for his actions as he buried his face in the food. Soon enough, Robert stepped away and looked at her for a moment and sniffed at her as he passed, which seemed strange… His area of expertise was more one of free-running, as one could tell just by watching him scale the tall surfaces in the blink of an eye. Before you knew it, he’d be staring down at you like it was nothing and, to him, it probably was just that.

His eyes glinted as he looked down on her from up above, but soon he looked away and continued on his way. She questioned this only for a minute before focusing her attention upon her main reason for putting herself where she had: food. It wasn’t the best, but it was something to keep them going, and so she ate thankfully. She’d never show her gratitude to their providers, though. She shifted her weight as she finished eating and glanced around to see where she’d go next, but found herself wanting to greet one of the providers whom she liked to claim as her own. The pale one in black who always spoke soothingly to her and held her oh-so-carefully, as if not to offend her. She had just come back with the strange person she’d never really gotten to know in the one time she had met him before. They had a strange box with them, like the one that the others put the dog in when bringing him places.

“I wonder if they’re going to take Shippo somewhere with them…” she murmured as she slunk over to them.

Her person petted her head fondly, but in a strange, defeated sort of manner. She rubbed her head against her person’s hand and looked up at her. The person looked half-choked up as she scooped her up and hugged her tight and whispered, “I’ll miss you, Char.” This confused her even more and she touched her nose to her person’s and touched her cheek in an attempt to be comforting to her. Before she knew what was going on, she was being set down, or so she thought. Then, the metal bars closed in front of her and she peered out at her person, frightened and confused.

“What’s going on? Is this a joke? Where are we going? I want out of here now… Haha, you got me in the box, take me out now?” Char pleaded silently. Then she looked at the back of the box and saw her food and some water and she pawed at the metal bars.

“No…. i can’t be going anywhere… You’re coming, too, right?” She looked to her person, but saw the strange person instead.  Where was her person?

“Where’d she go?” Char thought and looked out through the small windows, but couldn’t see her. She paced and clawed and frustrated herself in her anxiety.

After a while, her person came into view, still looking somber and crushed. She had something in her hand. A piece of white… stuff. As she got closer, Char could see what it was: a piece of cloth. The person opened the bars just enough to put the cloth in the rear end of the box near the food and water and to scratch Char’s head and behind her ears comfortingly.

“No, no, no, no, no, and NO. I can’t go away!” Charlotte yowled. To this, Robert came over and looked at her through the bars and replied, “I’m sure you’ll be back. They always bring me back.” and then he walked off, as if it was no big deal.

She kept his words in mind, though, and stopped fussing. A few minutes later, she was being carried somewhere. Soon she’d find out it was for a short car ride, then more being carried. The smells were so strange and it was so loud, she couldn’t concentrate. She only tried to stay in her new box where she had her one little piece of home; the cloth her person had given her. She laid near the back of the box with her head on the fabric, already homesick.

She growled a little at being grabbed at with strange hands when the metal bars opened, but went half-willingly with the hands. Feeling rather ruffled and violated, she looked around desperately for her person. There was a new person holding her now, one who smelled funny and was holding her roughly and without care. Soon she was in the arms of the less offensive stranger, but still not content. She gave a little noise to express her discomfort and was scooped into the familiar warmth of her person, whom she snuggled into instantly as if to say “Why are they doing this to me?” and clinging to her as the other’s tried to take her away to put her back in the box. Eventually the others stopped trying and Charlotte received a kiss on her head and was placed gently into the box once again and was whispered a menacingly heartbreaking message through the bars of, “I love you, Charlotte. I’ll miss you.” And then more painfully loud noises and irritatingly powerful smells and being jostled around was to come before she was finally placed into a darker, but quieter box. The stranger stuck his fingers through the windows and stroked her head softly and said gruffly, “You’ll be alright up here.” before closing the door.

Darkness enveloped her in an instant, but it didn’t frighten her. If nothing else, it helped to calm her. Laying her head down on the home-smelling cloth, she slept. Not soundly, mind you, but slept none-the-less…

*BAM!* The door slammed open and light poured in, blinding Charlotte as she awoke from her restless sleep and opened her eyes groggily. There would be no awakening to snuggles with Grey on this trip of hers, nor with her person. Her loneliness scared her and her heart was pumping to its maximum at the entrance of  strange noises and smells and sights into her little world. She barely noticed the jostling and bouncing as she was carried and took another car ride through her grogginess. Her eyes adjusted slowly to all the light as she started to become more aware of things again. Waking up seemed almost like a chore as her eyes wanted to slip closed again after only a second or two of being opened.

She laid her head back down upon the fabric that she would grow to love so very much and let sleep take her once again as the drive went on. Her sleep this time seemed peaceful and restful and the awakening was much less horrifying. In fact, it took her a moment to notice that it hadn’t all been a bad dream as she snuggled into the person whom she found herself to be laying on. Only then did she realize that the person only smelled of home due to the strip of white cloth laying under her head, on the man’s chest. His deep voice resonated through his chest softly, sending vibrations through her entire body as he murmured, “Welcome home, kitty.”

Looking upon you now,

Smooth stones of various shape and size,

Carefully arranged on the floor…

I wonder about your existence:

How long have you been on this earth?

Born underground,

Slowly raised to the surface

Worn smooth by time, wind and water

Trampled upon by passerby

If you had eyes…

How many years of things have you witnessed?

If you had a voice…

What multitude of stories would you tell?

I can only imagine

As I take you one by one in the palm of my hand

And clean you like I would fine porcelain…

With warm water and cloth;

This gives you new life…

Your colors and slight crevices brought to light

To my observant eye

And fill my mind with wonder…

Okay it’s been quite a while since I posted the first eh instince.
I want to open up a little my fascination with 23 before I had found out about her birthday
for years I was amused with the number 23 every time i would look at the clock I would see 23 in some shape or form as the time. I have a crush I would call it more but thinking about it love is a word i would use often to describe it. In the 6th grade I had found my soulmate, this is where things kind of got me thinking her birthday is on the 23rd, we went out for less than a month, my family is frequent movers every so often we are moving to a new place. I didn’t want to seperate from her but due to my dad having to move for jobs it ended rather untimely. The passion is still in my soul, tis my every reason for breathing to know i could of hurt her kills me on the inside. as a chapter to my life she had found another, a friend of mine his name is Gunnar. As to not go to far into details I will spare words but Call it a sign call it whatever all i know is the happiness she has brought me.
Ohio … who would of known from around the age of 6 i always wanted to move out of this place but from 6th grade on I am forever bound to this place. you all know why.

when the life you see,

collides with another,

what will come from it?

love or desaster?

conflicting struggles of everday,

haunting our minds in unspeakable ways,

an uncertain feeling of being different,

would i look better wearing sequents?

im going to do me,

how bout that?

if you dont like it,

stare at my back,

cause in a million years youll never be me,

constant energy struggles is my only decentcy.

so yes im different,

yes im me,

question for you,

just for fun,

cant you see,

you can never change this beast.

I showed my friends the new poem I wrote and the illustration for it. And so I was

talking about Morgue saying Oh gosh he’s awesome I love him so much and he really

he really inspires me…. lol after saying this my friend gave me a

weird look and said “u luv him?” She was confused because I’m

gay  So funny. But how would she of reacted if she didn’t know

I was gay? Hmmm…